Hi Blog, Today i kinda feel deep and slightly low cuz i let myself be after a hectic month of work. Been going home late with night shifts and yet im not complaining much about it. This year I plan to rest for abit from so many courses...since last year i have done 4 IT courses and then landed myself new job. Phew and I can say I am proud of myself too. CCNA CEH ECSA SEPM This year I aim for 2 courses only since I am much busier than last year. ITIL PGP Encryption So here I am thinking about 2 to 3 years time on what I am going to do with my life. So what is next? Career path? Having kids? Will I have energy to run around chasing after my kid running around shopping malls while I juggle on my neverending reports to my clients or bosses? Lol...i started to imagine myself like Sarah Jessica Parker movie "I wonder how she does it?" as she tries to juggle everything on being a career woman, a mother and a wife. It's harder than I thought...ok now I sound like David Moyes trying to fill in the shoes of Alex Ferguson. I really wonder how is it going to be...seriously I can't be the best for everything as well...although I will try to be. Can I cope? Or will I break down? I hope I can cope, InsyaAllah. Amin. --------------------------------------- And for Allah is the Highest example. (Surah Nahl:60) So when Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'ala , in His Infinite Wisdom, tests us with a situation that we think is difficult or takes away something that in our mind was good for us, we need to remember that perhaps it may not be so. Perhaps if we had continued in our way, it might have been harmful for us and whatever Allah decreed for us is actually better for us, for He is All-Wise and All-Knowing. Allah says: '...and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know.' (Surah Baqarah: 216) Al-Hasan al-Basri said: 'Do not resent the calamities that come and the disasters that occur, for perhaps in something that you dislike will be your salvation, and perhaps in something that you prefer will be your doom.' Remember that we are dealing with the One who is Arham ar-Raahimeen, the Most Merciful of all that show mercy. All the mercy that we have in this world from Adam (Alaiyhi Salaam) to the Day of Judgment is only one hundredth of the Mercy of the Most Merciful. And He is Most Wise. He knows and we don't know. So have faith in Him and trust in Him and although, sometimes we may not understand the reason behind certain things, know that as long as you obey Him, whatever He will do for you is, in fact for your betterment. So if Allah didn't give you that big house, or that nice car you wanted or that big raise you were hoping for, know in your mind and believe in your heart that it is actually better for you. Who knows.....maybe that big house, that car or that money would have become a source of 'fitnah' (test) for you....Perhaps you would have become arrogant and conceited because of it, and Allah saved you from it. Because, you know that the Prophet (sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) said: 'Any one in whose heart is even a mustard seed's worth of pride will not enter Paradise.' (Muslim)

Mellow describes how I feel this week...maybe because: -my poly mate got married and I saw his wife walking with his FIL on the aisle towards the stage...how happy they look made me feel abit envy...how I wish I have a better dad who can advise me on certain things in life... -job satisfaction has been soso...so i decided to fill in myself with IT courses and start doing something about my career. -getting older is another thing...but it's normal. I always feel kinda mellow when my birthday comes. I ain't got much friends to hang out but then again I have my 2nd brother to hang out with. I think I should be proud of it cuz he's my brother after all. Someone who I still text crappy stuffs and joke with since I was small. We draw, we watch stuffs together, we play games (from microgenius to ps3 to even making our own rpg with papers), we fart without feeling ashamed. And then I have my eldest to talk about life, career and problems. With sis, it's more of a cat topic and girly things like make up. Anyway, I know I'm not good in groups...I'm a reserve person who is normally quiet in big groups. My comfort zone is normally those I'm very close with. Family friend would be Fatimah, she knows how I feel sometimes. Although we don't meet often we do chat about everything from cuteness to feelings... Andy, one of the funniest jokers I know...and normally we talk about career on IT Security related topics and the gossiping of the ex company. Priscilla secondary schoolmate whom I still contact with and normally our chats will range from school teachers to life in general And finally my Booboo the bf. someone whom I would consider the lover, my best friend, a brother and my future hubby! =) You know after all this mellow stuff I've been feeling before, I kinda feel better talking about the people I know and meet. =)

Hi again bloggie,

Again it's been awhile I haven't updated how I am.

So I'm just gonna sum up what has been happening in my life lately.

- My parents got divorced.
- I struggled and got shingles in my previous job.
- I quit my old job.
- I got a new job and a better pay.
- I've been travelling more than expected that is 3 times this year.
- I moved to sis's place.

All in all it's just momentarily ups and downs.

Although I can say I have been experiencing depressions this year because of my parents' divorce and my old job.

Now I just get agitated easily.

I realised no matter how much I don't like (I won't say hate anymore) my old man, I gotta admit that some of his characters are in me...I can say I'm not all very much like my mom either.

I have learned myself better through divorce but still I am lost at what to be at times.


-Driven when need to be
-Lazy at times
-Likes sleeping
-5 min motivated to exercise
-I will never be motivated if people criticize or telling me what to do or comparing themselves or others with me
-I will be motivated if people around me are positively encouraging and helping me out.
-If I want it, I'll work it out.
-I like to travel but I look at my money too.
-I never like people who are boastful or think they are too good.
-I can't get along with people initially if they think they are too good or those who are too quiet unless I find him/her interesting.
-I like comedians.
-I like chocolates and ice cream.
-I tend to live in denial about my age but I realised I am not perfect
-I get depressed when I'm alone or nobody talk to me
-But I also need "me" time.
-I don't like to be told on what exactly to do.
-I like opinions
-I like maturity
-I'm not materialistic cuz I don't really like to wear jewelry much, carry branded bags. (Well I do want a wedding ring)
-I got myself an iPhone cuz I fell in love with it. Nothing to show off really.
-I would like to get married but I am not expecting much on happily ever after "the end" ever since my parents' divorce.
-I hate fights.
-I only get mad for a reason but after awhile if the reason is permissible and that I can accept it I won't be angry anymore.
-I get agitated easily if people are stubborn.
-I am stubborn but I can be soften if persuaded.
-I say nothing cuz if I say something when I am sad/angry, I will cry easily.
-I hate to show people that I cry.
-I never like to trouble others. Even when they offer me help, I would say it's ok. The reason is because I wouldn't want whatever help that is offered to me being brought back as a reason that I am relying too much on others.
-When people criticize me, I will go quiet and just cursed at him/her inside. And then decide to proof that I can be better than them. I know it sux.
-I'm laid back.
-I'm getting a feeling that I am outta my hobbies.
-I like to discuss my feelings but I don't want to be hopeful that others can help me.
-If people are very nice to me, I'll treat him/her nicely.

Now I feel like eating nasi goreng kampung...shucks. Out of the topic duh.

I can't sleep...though later on my convocation! yay finally! haha...i can say being an NTU student was a friggin tough journey! And I made it!

it's almost a month that i'm in my new job. so far so good from what i see it as the tasks is neverending. the purpose is to juz inform clients of malicious viruses going into their respective PC IPs. it's like i'm the human anti-virus!

Well, finally back from a refreshed travelling experience to Phi Phi Island and Phuket Karon beach. Had nice travelling experience with the bf and thanks to him alot that I'm able to enjoy the trip for 5 days! =) yay! Feeling refreshed!